JG Show Season 1 Questionnaire

          At the beginning of each JAMES GATES SHOW, the audience is given a questionnaire to fill out and turn back in.  We then go over the results later in the program, and we all learn a little bit about ourselves and the U.S. Presidents.  The following is a cross-section of questions from the first season of shows—take it if you like, and post it to me and I’ll send back your results!

          (WARNING:  adult language follows.  Also, I’m copyrighting the phrase “cross-section of questions”, so step off, MCs…)

 

1. Last Sunday was a motherfucker.  If you have two bitches before Thursday, does that make Friday a son of a bitch?

 

1. Name two of the three poorest Presidents. (Pre-presidential, of course—no President has ever died broke.)

 

1. If the Pope falls in the woods and no one’s around to see it, can you hear a bear s#!t in a funny hat?

 

1. What smells better:  Sex in the morning, or slightly burnt cupcakes?

 

1. Name this famous figure:  “Was I a Founding Father?  I’ll do you one better; I killed one of the Founding Fathers!  Hell yeah, shot the bitch dead in a duel, ‘cause he was talkin’ s#!t, and Homey don’t play that.  Then I went down to Louisiana and was fittin’ to really f#@k some shit up before they caught me!  So mother f#@k a ten dollar bill…”

 

1. How does Keanu Reeves keep ending up in interesting movies?  What is up with that?

 

1. What do Oedipus, Mordred Pendragon, and Marvin Gaye have in common?

 

1. Cheddar, or ass?

 

1. Supposing at a point ten years from now time travel is invented and perfected, where do you see yourself five years from now?

 

1. What ended the flagpole-sitting craze of the 1920’s?

 

1. Why do evil wizards wear those hats with the weird antler-things that curl and point down?

 

1. Name this famous figure:  “I’ve been called the Father of the Constitution.  I could also be called ‘Guy in Charge when British troops set the White House on fire’.  But mostly, I’m known as the Littlest President of them all!  Oh, so tiny… so very, very tiny!”

 

1. List the second and third things that come to mind when you see the phrase BIG JESUS!

 

1. Pick a Baldwin.  Any Baldwin.

 

1. Now… was THIS the Baldwin you were thinking of? (flashy hand gestures)

 

1. Have you subscribed to my blog yet?  (Okay, it’s not really a question, just shameless self-pimping… www.jamesgates.tumblr.com , www.ncbeat.com/blogging.html )

 

The second half of Season 3 starts in October (keep on the lookout!),

JG