In the hopefully near future, when they invent a machine that works out your body while you sit on the couch and watch a Project Runway marathon eating Fritos and mustard, I will be first in line to buy it.  I like feeling fit, I just hate the process you go through to get there.  Specifically, I do not look forward to going to the gym.  Most of this is my own fault b/c I insist on going in the mornings, before I’ve showered and eaten.  I dislike showering twice in one day almost as much as I hate working out after a meal.  So because of my rigid gym philosophy, this requires I wake up too early in the morning to get my widening behind working out. 

Now here in Iraq, I am fortunate enough to have a gym within walking distance, and very close walking distance at that.  That is where fortune stops smiling on me though.  Because of my schedule, I am waking up at 3:30-4:00 a.m. to get to the gym for a workout that ranges from 30 minutes to an hour.   So despite my early bedtime, it is almost painful to get my body to wake up at this hour.  Once I do manage to wake up, I venture off to the gym.

If this were a gym in the states, I would be greeted by bright lights, almost freezing temperatures, overpriced water, and cardio machines as far as the eye can see.  If I’m especially lucky, not only will there be the usual multiple TV screens with a variety of programs to watch, but my own television where I can choose the perfect show to watch.  And though I don’t at all expect a gym in a war zone to accommodate my high maintenance tastes, I do sorta wish they would meet me halfway.  The gym here has only one television.  It is a large one, so from any of the cardio machines, you can watch the crap they have chosen to play for our workout enjoyment.  It’s blatantly unfair that my television tastes do not correspond with the average military member–or fellow contractors.  We only have 9 channels to choose from and sadly, they would all rather watch football than a re-run of Friends (what is usually on when I get to the gym).   The thing is, I don’t mind most sports; for instance, during the Olympics, I was enthralled by the competition, making my workout go by that much faster.  Or if there is a good college basketball game, I turn off my music just to enjoy what is on.  However, if there is some football game, NASCAR rally, or ultimate fighting championship somewhere on a channel, that is what will play.  Ugh–how tedious.

Another interesting feature of our gym is the decision to not run the air-conditioning.   Maybe they do run it but all the motion from the people smothers it.  I can’t be sure.  All I know is that I’m sweating as soon as I walk in.  There is something inherently wrong with that.  I don’t mind sweat in a workout.  I find it measures my progress.  But sweating after only signing in for a towel is not right.  Mix that heat in with the smell of numerous sweating individuals and the odor emanating from the place is not something you want to breathe too deeply, which counteracts your huffing and puffing through a successful cardio routine. 

Now the free weights are a whole other issue.  There are plenty of them; well organized and ready to use…and a nice big mirror to reflect your lifting.  None of this bothers me.  But I have a hard time wanting to lift my 10 pounders right next to the neck-less guy who’s lifting a weight I can’t even count to.  So I’ve managed to intimidate myself into avoiding that area of the gym for the whole year I’ve been here.  I stick to my elliptical machine in front of the TV I can’t stand to watch, sweating from just entering the style of workout I want to do and grateful I have a working I-Pod to get me through the next 30 minutes.  And all through this workout, I’m counting the days until they invent that awesome machine and I can start stocking up on Fritos.